New Me

I haven't written a real blog post in a while. I've been looking over some of my older posts, and I've been sort of surprised by the change I see in myself. For a while, I thought I had it all together. And I wrote as if I did. I didn't mean it in a judgmental way. I truly desired to see my blog help other people grow, because I cared for them. But what about me? What about my growth? I can preach and lecture, and set rules for myself, and try to follow by them, but if I don't change, then it is all worthless. This summer, my eyes were opened up to see just how little in my life I can control. And for a major control freak, such a realization is disheartening. But I've come to the conclusion that I can't fix myself. I can't always control what happens to me. I can't always be in charge of my emotions. I can try to make a checklist for myself of do's and don'ts, and try to follow it, but I am a human being, and I will never be perfect.

Praise the Lord, because He doesn't leave us alone to try to fix ourselves. I thank God that I am a sinner, because it causes me all the more to run to Him, and throw myself in his arms. I am so weak, but He is everlastingly strong. Yes, I must still take responsibility for my sin, but I can no longer feel guilty. God has forgiven me, and it is time for me to learn to forgive myself. All to often, we think about forgiving the other person 70 x 7, but what about forgiving yourself?

And so, a new season begins in my life, in which I give up the control, give up trying and striving after what I cannot gain on my own, and give it all into God's able hands. His grace and love are more than enough to cover a multitude of my sins. I'm done feeling guilty and I'm done straying away from God because I don't feel that I am good enough to come to Him. He chose me, and he loves me for who I am at this very moment, and I must trust in His love. It's time for a change. It's time for a new me.